Some noteworthy excerpts:
Records obtained from an unnamed Shreddies source reveal that not everyone supports Diamond Shreddies self-proclaimed geometric superiority.
"You are sending the wrong information to kids about geometric shapes," says one concerned parent, to whom The President of Shreddies responded: "You are partially correct, the true geometric name is Rhombus Shreddies, but unfortunately Rhombus failed miserably when tested against Diamond Shreddies in consumer groups."
Rhombus Shreddies sound delicious.
Further investigation revealed some complaints focused on the issue of product shape controls gone awry.
One consumer wrote "I purchased a box of the new Diamond Shreddies and only half were the diamond shape!"
I can relate. Sometimes, my Cheerios are Cheeriovals, and it drives me nuts.