April 11, 2006


I was awoken just before 3:00am by the phone ringing. The caller was apparently from England, and had discovered my resumé on-line and was interested in meeting me for an interview. I rudely informed the caller that my only job at 3:00am was to sleep, and that's what I was going to do. I hung up.

A minute later, the Englishman called back, claiming that there was some confusion. He listed my particular business qualifications they were interested in learning more about. Something was very fishy, and finally I realized in my half-awake state that I was the victim of yet another prank call. Llama and Polar Bear again, still smoking too much shisha in an Arab coffee shop in the middle of the night.

Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep after that. I was up from 3:00am until the time I had to leave for work. This itself didn't bother me that much; what bothered me was the fact that I had to go to a meeting at my downtown office in a very sleepy state. I hadn't fallen asleep in a meeting for about 5 months, though I had developed a somewhat notorious reputation for falling asleep in meetings when I worked downtown.

But I couldn't keep awake, and those same people who saw me sleeping in 3:00pm conference calls back in October and November saw me dozing off again. They must suspect that I can never stay awake in meetings, which isn't the case anymore. I've all but overcome the meeting-sleepiness problems, but the prank callers caught me on the worst day for sending me to work on three-hours sleep.

I know who they are. I know their phone numbers. I know where they live. I know their parents' phone numbers back home in Toronto. Thus, I request my loyal readers to offer suggestions as to how I can get back at this devious duo.


  1. I suggest widescale assassinations - kill them, their families, their extended families and their pets. Send a message. You won't get another phone call after that ever again. ;)

    On a more serious note, I suggest one of two things:

    1) Talk to these people and tell them that this isn't funny and that you don't appreciate it.

    2) Refer to my comment about sending them a message. ;)

  2. W.W.C.D. (What Would Calvin Do?)

    Faraz, I do not think that you should hit them back with a prank call. I think that would be too obvious.

    I think you need something along the lines of a 'name-tag back in the saddle'. Similar, but a step above and beyond the mainstream.

    As for you falling asleep in the office...I just thought that was classic.

    Maybe you need to up your intakes of espressos - you know what those are right?

  3. Nauman: "talk to these people and tell them this isn't funny"?

    First of all, it was funny. The accent was just brilliant. Second, this isn't kindergarten, and I'm not a parent. Telling them "this isn't funny, you should feel ashamed by your childish behaviour" is just asking for trouble.

    Regarding your second suggestion... I'm not Keyser Soze either. Or am I...

    Charlie: WWCD should really mean, what would Charlie do? Calvin would probably devise some long-winded scheme to hit them with a water baloon that would ultimately backfire.

    I know that a prank call would be too obvious. The name-tag B-in-the-S was clever, but I don't know how that can translate to this situation.

    As for falling asleep... I really want to rid myself of this reputation. I would have been fine on any other day. I honestly feel bad about falling asleep during QPI, even though it was just a minute maybe. Argh, maybe I should accidentally suck down another espresso.....

  4. How's this for a plan?

    At some odd hour of the night, I call a whole bunch of pizza delivery places, Greek-on-Wheels, and whoever else I can think of to come to his door and deliver him food.

    He'll be overwhelmed, confused, and could potentially have to cough up a lot of money. At least he'll be full.


  5. You could do that - that'd be similar to the Simpsons episode where Bart does that to Lisa when she's babysitting him.

    And no, you're not Keyser Soze but you could be after this...

  6. A large-scale pizza delivery would finally give Riaz what's coming to him. It would shock him to his core that you actually got some men in white suits involved.

    Or it could just up the ante:

    "What about escalation? We wear bullet-proof armor, they start packing armor-piercing rounds..."
    -Batman Begins